You might be surprised to hear that the country with more dollar billionaires per square kilometre isn't heralded by the red, white and blue. In fact, far from being the land of milk and honey, it is a nation beset by political risk and monetary rummy. And rather than dealing with blue-chip stocks and large carat rocks, the moneyed elite here are engaged in a running battle with crooked cops, sell rotting oranges and graduate from the school of hard knocks.

In a slapstick parody much like the atrocious rhymes above, Zimbabwe's central bank has released a hundred-billion dollar note, $100 000 000 000, and one imagines Gideon 'Oh No!' Gono and cohorts would have had quite a row over whether to use a wider footprint or smaller font to fit all those noughts in. Zimbabwe used to be the continent's breadbasket, but with agricultural and economic upheaval and a breakneck inflation rate timed officially at 2.2-million — it is, however, thought to be a million times higher in actual fact — life in Zimbabwe has all the charm of a blow to the breadbasket.

South African hotelier Tourvest, active at the wondrous Victoria Falls, has slyly evaded a crisis of currency by conducting all business in the US greenback from the start, and trucking in supplies from across the border in Zambia. In so doing, it has also shattered the life of riley dreams of throngs of African tourists, armed with the mighty Ethiopian birr, the all-conquering Malawian kwacha and even the Sierra Leone leone.

In January, a Z$10-million note was issued, then a Z$50-million note in April. In May, notes for Z$100-million and Z$250-million were issued, swiftly followed by those for five-billion, 25-billion and 50-billion. It is estimated that the inflation triggers a price change every seven minutes — and one doesn't need any fancy arithmetic footwork to work out that isn't sustainable. Eating out in Zimbabwe must be a frantic experience — try shoveling down a five-course meal in seven minutes to beat the price hike!

Even more surreal is the work ethic displayed by a Zimbabwean workforce soldiering on out of a sense of a duty what with transport and food costs devouring dwindling salaries. It isn't uncommon to put in thirty days of shifts for the monetary equivalent of three rolls of bread. Technically, it is more economically viable to use banknotes than toilet paper — a roll of two ply costs Z$145 750. Would Cosatu and friends stand for that treatment were we to see the same scenario play out in SA? My guess is it wouldn't be long before they were 'striking' at the heart of the problem.

At the time of writing, one rand would give you Z$2 476 563 952.63 Zimbabwean dollars and one pound a mammoth Z$37440 278 775.20. That other big denomination currency, the Japanese yen, comes in at 0.00000000569453 to the Zimbabwean dollar. Currently a US dollar will get you... oh forget it. The rate is obsolete the second I type this.

Hope bleeds eternal. In 1923 post-war Germany, prices quadrupled each month, compared with doubling about once every three or four months in Zimbabwe. And in even better news, in a sternly-worded release, Dr Gono says the redenomination of the embattled dollar is imminent. It might be a good time to invest? And the world waits with 'baited' breath.

Some quick facts:

With an annual inflation rate estimated at well over 1-million percent, new Zimbabwean dollars with ever more zeros need to be printed every few weeks because the older ones lose their worth so quickly.

A Z$500 000 note issued in late 2007 is already out of circulation, and is worth just 0.00004 US cents.

Vending machines are no longer in use in Zimbabwe, because a single soda would require the deposit of billions of coins.

A Coke sells on the black market for around Z$15-billion.

A loaf of bread costs Z$30-billion.